Return of the Jedi

So, I decided to waste my day today and eat leftover Key Lime pie, some chocolate, and to sit on the couch and watch cartoons and then around 1, I had a sudden urge to watch Return of the Jedi, which I obviously own, because I have the right to exist.

I haven't seen this movie since I was like 12 or 13, and it's in large part because I hate Ewoks more than I hate...things that I hate a lot. In the words of Chuck Klosterman in Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, if I ever meet a girl who says she has dreams of polar bears mauling Ewoks, I may love her forever. Seriously, I get that these are kid's movies. I do. It still annoys the crap out of me, much like Jar Jar Binks.

However, when I remembered that my VHS (yeah, I wanted to see the original version) remote had a fast-forward button...I was happy again, and in my mind, there were no Ewoks. I still have a hard time buying Luke as a enlightened, lightsaber using, mind trick pulling badass Jedi Knight when this was the same guy in Empire who was a whiny bitch whose bitchness get his hand lost, but I suppose that's the beauty of being able to skip years into the future. I kind of hate George Lucas. Yes, I love Darth Vader. Probably the most awesome villain ever. Doesn't mean I want to see him as a 9 year old. Episodes I and II were mostly abysmal, and I blame him for that. If Episode III wasn't awesome, then I would be very disenfranchised with the entire...franchise.

Also, this movie has Admiral Ackbar, and thusly has "IT'S A TRAAAAPPP!", which is now a modern day saying for anything bad that seems good. Like a tranny, a vanilla coke that is actually urine, or a midget that instead of hurting your enemies, repeatedly kicks and bites your ankles and calves.

Lastly, Empire/Vader/Luke scenes are pretty much always awesome, and given how Episode III went, that makes them even more awesome. Empire Palpatine is just so insanely quotable, even if it is incredibly creepy when people who aren't him do it. Also, the soundtrack is pretty boss.

Yes, I own the entire Star Wars soundtrack.